By Annie Goods

DART Advocate, Winn Parish

A common cycle of abuse begins to take hold once domestic violence starts in a relationship.  Your partner apologizes, you lower you guard, and over time the violence rears its ugly head once again.  Understanding the signs of domestic violence and causes of domestic abuse are critical in breaking this cycle.

Early signs of impending domestic violence center around your abuser spouting out insults, preventing you from talking to family or friend, and controlling every aspect of your life, from how you spend your money to what food you can eat.  Watch for major red flags like your partner showing an angry side when drunk, regularly acting jealous and possessive of you and even threatening to hurt you.

Stay vigilant so you’ll notice these signs and ready yourself to end the relationship when violence enters the picture.

At its core, domestic violence is a power play.  The violent act is followed by guilt, not for hurting you but merely for the chance of being caught and punished for the action.  This guilt leads to the domestic abuser making rational excuses for what has been done.  They’ll come up with any excuse to avoid taking responsibility.

Getting the relationship back on track is key. The abuser will normally shower the victim with gifts, attention and anything else to make the victim forget and believe the abusers has changed.  Unfortunately the victim generally accepts this as being most sincere and lowers their guard.  The final step in the domestic violence cycle occurs when the abuser sets up the victim to create a scenario to be completely justified in hurting the victim.

Breaking the cycle of abuse is most difficult.  Constant apologies and remorse make it difficult to severe the relationship.  Roses, romantic dinner, poems all make you believe the violence won’t happen again.  But the cycle will come full circle.  The longer you stay in a dangerous relationship, the more violent it’s likely to become.  You will quickly find yourself accepting the lies and actually believing you deserve the violence you suffer.

Be strong and get your story told.  Whether or not you decide to end your relationship, you can get help to move on, breaking the cycle of abuse.  Whether you’ve been hit once or you’ve been carrying the physical and mental scars of abuse for years, your first step is finding someone to talk to.  That someone could be a friend, neighbor, relative or anyone who will listen.

DART is here to help.  If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call the local DART office are 318-648-0559 or the DART 24-hour Help Line at 318-251-2255.  Help is available.