As you cross the railroad tracks when you arrive downtown Goldonna, you may notice a new sign when you stop at the stop sign and turn your gaze to the left. The River of Life Family Worship Center erected a new sign commemorating the church and the year it was founded. The church members were ecstatic for this new look. The prior sign was weathered and worn but it has greeted guests for the past fifteen years. 

“Mr. Houston Etheridge from Winnfield, Louisiana so kindly lent his time, craftsmanship and talented vision to the creation of this sign. Without his generosity this would not have been possible,” shared Pastor George Procell. 

River of Life Family Worship Center is also hosting the “Iron Sharpens Iron Men’s Prayer Breakfast” this Saturday morning. Breakfast will be served Saturday, May 20 at 7 am. Worship will begin at 8 am with Brother Wade Smith will be the special speaker. 

Goldonna Assembly of God is hosting a Community Cookout on Saturday, May 27. The church will be providing free food, drinks and good fellowship at the L&A Trails Pavillion. The event will be held from 10 am – 3 pm. For more information please contact Pastor Timmy Harris at 318-481-7191 or Pam Harris at 318-229-8766. The church is overjoyed to share this community event and everyone is welcome to attend. 

Goldonna Elementary Junior High School announced Kindergarten Graduation will be held on Monday, May 22 at 9 am and the 8th grade Graduation will be held at 6 pm. Pre-K Registration is still going on. Friday, May, 19 from 8 am – 3 pm. The last day to register is Thursday, June 1. This is an amazing opportunity for your child to learn, grow and excel. The last day of school is approaching fast. Tuesday, May 23 will be the last day for students. 

The Natchitoches Area Fire District 2 will be holding a fundraiser on Saturday, June 10. They will be hosting their First Annual Poker Run. The poker run will cover miles and miles of scenic terrain with several check points along the way where participants will draw playing cards, to build their poker hand. Prizes will be awarded for the top three hands and there will be door prizes as well as a “Split the Pot”. Complimentary water will be available at every checkpoint. There will be a Fried Fish Lunch available for the low cost of $10 per plate. Non-participants will be allowed to purchase meals too. The ride begins at 8 am and concludes at 5:00pm at the final drawing spot in Goldonna. You must be 21 years or older to participate in the Poker Game. 

All proceeds will benefit the Volunteer Fire Department and their tireless efforts in keeping the community safe. You can pre-register for $20 from now until June 3rd. After that the fee will be $30. For more information you can contact Candace Smith (318-471-0704), Mason Rachal (318-471-8636), or Rachel Chesser (318-663-2964)

Goldonna Baptist Church Youth Group is hosting an Evening Bass Tournament in hopes of raising money for their Summer trip. The tournament will be held on Friday, June 2 at the Mill Creek Reservoir, which is located just a few miles down the road in Saline, Louisiana. Boats will leave at 6 pm and weigh in will be held at 9 pm. It should be noted that this is a three fish tournament. There is a $100 per boat fee with 50% payback. Options include Big Bass $10 and trash fish $5. There will be a .25lb penalty for dead fish. No minimum length rule. For more information you may call or text 318-413-7528

GBS is also laying the groundwork to have the biggest year of Operation Christmas Child that the Goldonna community has ever seen. Pastor Dupree recently announced the following donation schedule:

May                       Hard plastic cups, bowls, utensils

June                      Sewing kits and multi tools

July                        School supplies, pencil cases, notebooks, crayons, coloring books

August                   Hats/caps, tshirts, undies, socks

September            wipes, makeup, hair clips, maxi-pads, solid deodorant 

October                 Christmas Stockings, Christmas Cards

November             Packing Party 

The Village of Goldonna is a beautiful town with the most thoughtful, loving and kind residents. If you would like to highlight a community member please reach out to me. I know there are many gems just waiting to shine.  

If you have news to include email Reba Phelps at jreba.phelps@gmail.com.

Child abuse and neglect are preventable, and all communities benefit when children and families are well supported. Extreme stress and uncertainty for families may increase the risk of child abuse and neglect raising the need to support families and prevent abuse before it occurs.

Prevent Child Abuse Louisiana (PCAL) stresses that all community members have a role in ensuring children have positive experiences and families have the resources they need when they need them, well before they are in crisis. By focusing on the importance of creating systems and programs that put children and families first, we can help prevent child abuse.

Working with PCAL, VIA LINK offers a statewide program, Louisiana Parent Line, which provides parents with free, confidential, 24/7 access to a live specialist. Translation services are available, and the Louisiana Parent Line can be reached by phone and text 24 hours a day.  

“The Parent Line provides parents and other family members with a safe space to express their frustrations, ask parenting questions and get support,” explained LaVondra Dobbs, CEO of    VIA LINK. “Parent Line specialists are well trained and experienced in offering emotional support to parents. They focus on de-escalation and crisis intervention. They listen and understand parents’ concerns. Specialists can provide information on different services and referrals. Perhaps most importantly, they can help parents develop plans for coping.”  

Yet, the Parent Line is more than a one-time call. Parents can call in as often as they want or need. The goal is to provide emotional support whenever parents need it. The specialists can also offer follow-up calls and help increase the circle of support for families. Throughout Louisiana, this free service is working to prevent child abuse by getting families the support they need.

The phone number is 833-LA-CHILD (833-522-4453). You can also text us at (225) 424-1533.

For more information about PCAL, VIA LINK, or the Louisiana Parent Line, please contact Sherrard Crespo, LCSW, Director of Outreach and Prevent Child Abuse Louisiana at screspo@vialink.org or visit our website www.vialink.org.

By Teddy Allen

Bowled over by cereal

One man’s Sugar Pops are another woman’s Apple Jacks are another man’s Crispy Critters.
In the Cereal Game, we know that going in. No one is going to agree, straight down the line, on everything.

With that in mind, it was refreshing this week to enjoy so much mail about last week’s “Cereal Killer” effort. We have some serious cereal eaters out there.
And … we are EVERYwhere. My friend The Horse Whisperer sent me a photograph this week of an actual store in the Magnificent Mile mall in Las Vegas that combines many cereal options — dare we say ‘a vast array’? — with ice cream. Cereal Killerz, it’s cleverly called.

Think about that. You leave Banana Republic, so hungry you could eat mule meat, and you see this store where you can get two of the finest food offerings known to Hungry Man, ice cream and cereal.

Next thing you know, BOOM!, you’ve had a refreshing bowl of Fruity Pebbles and you’re on your way to Nordstrom for some new threads.
Ain’t life grand when it works right? Cereal and ice cream. The Dynamic Duo. Never had I thought …

But in many places, cereal has gotten a bad rap. I read recently that because of cereal being marketed toward children since the invention of TV sets, we grownups got to thinking of it as a sugary mess and not a healthy breakfast. That “it’s something to grow out of, not aspire to.”

To which I say, Neg. Cereal eating IS something to aspire to. And unlike the cereal aisle of our youth, when we had four cereals to choose from, you now have a mountain of options, (which is both a blessing and a curse, but still …)

To get you to thinking, I’ll offer my Top 10 Cereals According to Me. Granted, I have not tried many novelty cereals, like Franken Berry or Baron Von Redberry or Smurf Magic Berries or Count Chocula or Cookie Crisp, so going in I ask forgiveness from all my 5-year-old readers who enjoy such things.

1. Frosted Flakes. They’re G-r-r-r-reat! Tony the Tiger should be in the Cereal Hall of Fame. First ballot. Stud.

2. Kashi Blueberry Clusters.

3. Kashi GO Toasted Berry Crisp. (Harder to eat than the Blueberry Clusters, but when I have the energy, I love them.)

4. Honey Nut Cheerios.

5. Cheerios, an original, beautiful in its simplicity, often imitated, never duplicated.

6. Granola, specifically Vanilla Almond Granola from Trader Joe’s, a new favorite. Where has it been all my life? Eat it in a coffee cup and just drink the final little bit. (Warning!: Like with the Alpha-Bits of my youth, you have to pay attention when you eat granola. Strategic chewing. If you got a capital “I” or the simple “O” when you ate Alpha-Bits, chewing was easy as falling off a porch. But get a crooked consonant like an “M” or “W” or “R,” it’s a bit of a different ballgame. It’s a price the roof of your mouth doesn’t want to pay. I’m told from the Cap’n Crunch crowd that the Cap’n presented a similar danger. Same with granola clusters. Mighty good though; worth the effort. Of course, so were Alpha-Bits, which they quit making in 2021; no one reads or writes anymore, I guess. Who knew hi-tech would be the end of Alpha-Bits? Big Cereal and Big Pharma: peas from the same pod. Don’t get me started …

7. Honey Roasted Honey Bunches of Oats.
And that’s it. My Top 10 is only 7. It’s enough. Never would eat a fruity cereal. Tried shredded wheat but to me it’s shredded cardboard. Would eat Rice Krispies in a pinch — mainly just to hear the snap-krackle-pop — and would eat Chocolate Cheerios for something sweet. But really, I would just be cheating on The Magnificent Seven; not overly interested.

Maybe next week or the next we’ll hear from readers. In the meantime, go have yourself a bowl, and have yourself a ball.

Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu

Northwestern State University awarded 905 degrees to 881 graduates during spring commencement May 11-12.  Graduates collected diplomas for associate, bachelor’s, master’s, doctoral degrees, post-baccalaureate certificates and post-master’s degrees. 

Commencement ceremonies were schedule for 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Wednesday, May 10 and 10 a.m. Thursday, May 11.  The ceremonies were to be live streamed at www.nsula.edu.  More information on commencement is available at www.nsula.edu/graduation.

Graduates listed by hometown (in Winn Parish) are as follows.

Atlanta – Susan Carter, Post Baccalaureate Certificate;

Dodson – Gaje Womack, Bachelor of Science; Melanie Thomas, Master of Arts in Teaching;

Winnfield — Rachel Fannin, Associate of General Studies; Matthew Harrell, Bachelor of Arts; Emalee Dill, Bachelor of Science; Taylor Womack, Bachelor of Science;

Mark your calendars now for this year’s youth fishing derbies on the Kisatchie National Forest. Go online to http://www.fs.usda.gov/kisatchie and look under “Features” to find applications and learn more information about these wonderful, FREE fishing opportunities. Most fishing derbies begin at 7 a.m. and end by 11 a.m. Times for the fishing derbies will be given closer to the dates of the events or as soon as they are determined.

June 3 – Bombing Range Pond, Winn Parish on the Winn Ranger District, registration application (Questions? Call 318-628-4664)

“Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em” 

That’s a term we all associate with soldiers who have been out in the field, finally getting to take a short break from their duties. We’ve all seen the movies where they are in the freezing cold mountains or perhaps a wet and humid jungle. Those are just actors but in reality, for generations our proud military has been dragging their boots throughout every condition, in every possible corner of the earth. Hearing that little phrase gives them just a few moments to relax. Try to imagine what that’s like for him or her. 

 Now, you’re back at home with your family and friends. We have the freedom to enjoy a democracy and to live the life we choose. These things are given to us by the grace of the Lord almighty and backed up by the United States Military. 

On May 20th in the Village of Sikes, we will hold our 3rd Annual Piney Hills BBQ Cook off. All profits made from the event goes to the Vet Center of Alexandria. This is a BBQ contest for the backyard BBQ enthusiasts to come show what he / she has got. At 11 am, we will have a Veterans Honoring Ceremony to show our local heroes we still care and love them as a community. We will have a live band afterwards as well as selling BBQ plate lunches. There will be vendors selling various arts and crafts. While you’re here, come visit our memorial tree where you can display your own personalized ribbon for a friend or family member who has served our country but has gone to be with the Lord. You can’t miss it. We’ve “tied a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree.” You can find us on Facebook under Piney Hills BBQ Cookoff. 

Come out and have a good time with us and eat some good BBQ. Also, if you got the day off and can smoke a rack of ribs and a slab of brisket, drag your pit to Sikes Louisiana and “Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!”

Baton Rouge– The Louisiana Department of Agriculture and Forestry (LDAF) Commissioner Mike Strain, D.V.M., reminds property owners to remain vigilant for termites during late spring and into the coming summer months.

With Louisiana’s warm and wet climate this time of year, termites can get especially active as they constantly seek out new food sources.

“Turning off outside lights at night or using yellow bulbs can help you avoid attracting swarming termites,” says Commissioner Strain. “However, there are also other proactive measures you can take on a regular basis to protect your property from the destruction of termites.”

• Fix any leaks in the roof, pipes, and outside faucets on your home.
• Repair rotting wood on the fascia, soffit, and exterior wood surfaces.
• Remove any wood lying under or around your home, and store firewood away from your home.
• Examine your home’s slab line and the base of piers for signs of termites.
• Clean the gutters on your home and repair sections that may be damaged.
• Trim tree limbs and vines that may be growing on your home.
• Drain water away from the slab or under your home; do not let it pool.

Treatments and annual inspections by a licensed, insured, and bonded pest control company are a good termite preventative. Between professional inspections, property owners can also look for mud tubes on slabs, piers, or walls; pinholes in wallboards; softness in flooring; or blisters in paint or wallpaper.

To find out which companies are certified and licensed to perform termite-related services, consumers can contact the LDAF at 225-925-4578, visit the LDAF website at www.ldaf.la.gov, or download the LDAF Business Search App (available in the Apple and Google Play store).

William “Bill” Lee Cocherl
October 8, 1928 — May 4, 2023
Service: Saturday, May 20 at 10 am at Trinity Episcopal Church, located at 533 Second St. in Natchitoches

John David Rachal, Jr.
December 27, 1955 — May 8, 2023
A visitation will be held on Friday, May 19 from 2-5 pm at Blanchard-St. Denis Funeral Home in Natchitoches

Peggy Hicks Carson
November 6, 1935 — May 13, 2023
Service: Saturday, May 20 at 2 pm at Memory Lawn Cemetery

Willlie D. Braden
October 28, 1939 – May 15, 2023
Arrangements TBA

Date: 5-7-23
Name: Delois Williams 
Address: Winnfield, LA
Race: Black
Sex: Female 
Age: 42
Charge: Direct contempt of court 

This information has been provided by a law enforcement agency as public information. Persons named or shown in photographs or video as suspects in a criminal investigation, or arrested and charged with a crime, have not been convicted of any criminal offense and are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

(Bob Holeman conducted this series of interviews with local World War II in 2011-12.  Most of those 34 American heroes have passed away in the decade since).

J.B. Coon was born on a one-horse farm in Jonesville on November 27, 1924.  “That’s a family farm where the horse and the family did all the work.  Little farms like that don’t exist anymore.”

He explained that his father raised mostly cotton and corn with some peas, as that was a time before soybeans were a popular crop.  Much of the grain went to maintain the horse.

“I thought that’s what I wanted to do, farming,” said Coon who attended Block High School.  Transportation was simple.  “You walked or you rode a horse.  My grades?  I got by by the skin of my teeth.  I didn’t have enough credit to graduate in 1941 so I took the subjects I needed the next year.  By midterm, I went home and made a crop.  1942 was my best school year.  Me and my wife were in the same class, though we hardly knew each other.”

Coon recalls where he was when he heard the U.S. was at war.  “I was on a horse by somebody’s house when they yelled, ‘Pearl Harbor was bombed.’  It was in the news afterwards.  Before then, we’d never heard of Pearl Harbor.”

Coon didn’t rush out and sign up for the military.  He got a job instead at a grocery store.  He received free room and board, plus $35 a month.  But the hours were long (until 2 a.m. Saturdays during cotton-picking time) and it only took him a couple of months to decide this wasn’t for him.

“I left there and went to work for the REA Electrical Cooperative.  We worked on lines and dug postholes for poles.  We did the line from Harrisonburg to Manifest.  It was tough.  You might go down 3 or 4 feet and hit a big rock—then we’d have to get it out.”

He was “rescued” from that work by the draft, reporting to Fort Humbug in Shreveport for standard processing.  Asked his branch choice, Coon replied he had no preference.  Recruiters sized up the young man’s impressive physique and pointed him to the Marine Corps.

“They sent me to New Orleans to volunteer.  That’s the only way to get in…you volunteer.  I’m glad I did.  I figure I got better training than most.  But they didn’t give you a lot of encouragement.  They told us what to do ‘when’ we get shot, not ‘if’ we get shot.  They let us go home for two weeks, then shipped us to San Diego.”

That was boot camp.  When they got out, they were all riflemen, even the cooks.  “Contrary to popular belief, those like me who’d grown up hunting had learned bad habits.  Some of the best marksmen after training had never held a rifle in their lives.”

Then Coon went to telephone school.  Then artillery school.  While there, they went up in the mountains surrounding Fort Pendleton, practiced their telephone skills and hiked the 23 miles back to camp at the end of the day.  Skills were rounded out with training in amphibious landings.

“When we completed our training in January of 1944, we boarded a ship…if you could call it a ship.  It was a merchant marine with some Army, some Marines aboard.  They didn’t feed us very good—we were sick a lot—but we survived.  We sailed to New Caledonia and put the soldiers off there.  The Marines went on to Guadalcanal.  It had already been secured by then.  They put us off in a coconut grove—no building, no nothing.  We put up pup tents to sleep and put out guards.  Well, they were pretty nervous and you could hear shots going off all night.  But if there were really any Japs left on the island, they weren’t in danger.”

Coon’s outfit would be attached to the 3^rd Marine division.  “They’d suffered fairly heavy losses.  They’d taken Guadalcanal, then been given R & R time in Australia and New Zealand.  They returned about the time we arrived.  They were organized into the 2^nd Marine Brigade—two regiments and a supporting cast—and headed to Guam.  But the Allied Offensive was not going too well.  They hit Saipan about the same time.  So we held off about 30 days aboard the troop ship.”

Once ashore at Guam, Coon’s responsibility was to keep the telephone lines up to the front lines so that forward observers could communicate with the artillery.

“We couldn’t put lines on the ground because tanks would run over and break them.  But there were plenty of coconut trees.  You didn’t use a safety belt because you didn’t want to get hung up in a tree for snipers.  I carried a rifle but when I went up, I’d leave it with the man on the ground.  Guam was mostly jungle where we were at.  I grew up in the woods so it wasn’t all that foreign to me.”

Food in the field was mostly K-rations or C-rations.  At battalion headquarters, they had kitchens and hot food.  “We ate a lot of Spam and mutton during the whole campaign.”

Once Guam was secured, the Marines headed back to Guadalcanal and trained for their next assault—Okinawa.  “We always trained before an offensive, including maps showing the terrain.  We hit Okinawa on Easter Sunday, 1945.  The plan was to hit the airstrip in the middle of the island, figuring we’d have it captured by the second day.  It was ours by 10 a.m. the first day without a shot being fired.  They had big naval guns set up but no one manned them.  One Jap plane tried to land when we arrived, but we shot it down.  What had happened, the 2^nd Marines made a fake landing on the south end of the island, where the only city was.  The Japanese pulled all their troops there.

“We divided the island in two.  We went north.  Everyone else went south.  We met a little resistance and lost a couple of men who were souvenir hunting to snipers.  We made it pretty easily to the north end and were just playing tag football until we were finally called to the south with the rest to join in the action.”

One of the nightmares of the Pacific campaigns was the hills and tunnels that honeycombed many of the islands.  Okinawa was one, said Coon.  “Initially, we’d steer clear of the caves.  But the Japanese would hide there in the daytime and come out and attack at night.  Finally, we’d go to the caves and blow up the entrances.  There’s no telling how many men were trapped inside.”

As the campaign wound down, the Marines came upon a Navy Seabee (construction battalion) camp.  These were ‘permanent’ sites where supplies were brought in and the food was much better.  “Talk about good,” Coon recalls.  “They even had fresh bread.”

The Marines dropped back to Guam for more training, this time for the ultimate attack on Japan itself.  But it wouldn’t happen.  “When we heard the A-bomb was dropped and the Japanese surrendered, there was a great feeling of relief. We knew if we went into Japan, it would have been terrible.  Every man, woman and child would have fought us.  They were that fanatic.  They didn’t surrender.”

The Marines went instead to China to facilitate the surrender of thousands of Japanese troops.  Coon saw the ceremonial turning over of their swords by the Japanese officers.  It was winter and this north Louisiana man recalled this was the coldest place he’d ever been. 

The Communist Chinese were getting stronger at the time but Coon says “it didn’t bother us any.  We wound up being the 6^th Marine Division, the most divisions the Marines had in a long time.”

Coon finally left China in January 1946 and in February he was discharged from service where his training began, in San Diego.  He came home to Jonesville and tried his hand at farming once more.  But by July, he saw that wasn’t going anywhere.  When he was growing up, he said, he’d always had to cut wood from the laying by of the crop until cotton picking time, so he tried that again.

Then six friends went to Mississippi where they found a job at a recycling plant.  “I got a welder’s helper job.  After a while, they asked me if I wanted to learn to weld.  I did that and after the job was over, I came to the trade school here in Winnfield.  I had kinfolks here so I’d been here a good bit.”

Good with his hands and not afraid to work, when he finished his study in 1948, Coon welded in the oilfield for a while, then got on at the American Creosote mill in Winnfield for five years.  But it would be at a crosstie plant that he’d work 31 years before retiring.  “I got busy after retirement and never had to find a part time job.”

The veteran says he didn’t like crowds and didn’t go on liberty like so many of his fellow Marines.  Even though Claudine Godwin was in the same Class of ’42 with him at Block High School, they hadn’t really known each other.  But they became reacquainted after the war and married in 1950.  She was a school teacher for a year at Calvin.

Then children Margaret, Bill and Mary Lou came along.  There are no grandchildren.  Mrs. Coon served as secretary of Laurel Heights Baptist Church for 29 years before her own retirement.

With the current emphasis of “green” and conservation in our nation’s capitol, there’s good news from Washington that could impact landowners in Winn Parish, if they’ll take advantage of it, Glenn Austin with the Dugdemona Soil and Water Conservation District told Winnfield Rotarians at their May 3 meeting.

“There’s a lot of talk and funding concerning conservation these days but ironically that’s what our agency has been all about for over 80 years,” Austin emphasized. When he asked members what that “green” might mean, he heard the right answer: trees and forestry. Then he added “and pastureland.”

The federal Inflation Reduction Act passed in August 2022 offers a tremendous funding expansion for the agency nationally over the next four years, with resources growing from the millions to the billions of dollars. But once the Act’s funding peaks, it will begin to drop and by 2031 will be gone.

However, the money does not flow automatically to landowners. They will want to apply to the Dugdemona SWCD for approved practices such as site preparation and tree planting. As guidelines may mean federal funding might cover 75% of approved practices, landowners would have a financial interest in their ventures, as well. If Winn residents don’t apply, it’s likely that landowners elsewhere would take advantage of the funding opportunity.

He pointed out that approved practices on pasturelands are also fundable. “There is a lot more activity in the cattle industry here than many realize.”

Austin touched on a second topic, that being feral swine. The agency previously spoke to Rotary about its active swine trapping program. It’s a good program and up through the past few weeks, the agency has been able to keep pace with landowner requests to place traps on properties. Due to the breeding rate of the feral swine, the problem of property damage by swine herds (or “sounders”) continues to grow.

Some people still don’t understand the need to eliminate the pest, Austin said. “We don’t want to trap or kill just one or two. We want to catch the entire sounder.” Live wild swine cannot legally be transported from one site to another.

The new program the SWCD has launched is one of swine tracking, using a very sophisticated (and expensive) tracking collar. The goal is for agency scientists to better understand the movement of individual swine and their groups in the region. The tightly-fitting collar constantly transmits the location of its wearer and is designed to self-unlock and fall off in three years, landing where it may be retrieved by the agency.

For any program details, contact Dugdemona Soil and Water Conservation District at 628-4438.

Cutline for Rty DugSWCD:
From left are Dugdemona Soil and Water Conservation District staffers Lane Faulk, Glenn Austin, Debra Hubbard, Kalee Dorton and Rotarian Keith Gates who arranged the program.

The City of Winnfield’s recent Spring Clean Up Day was a huge success! A day that was supposed to be full of rainy weather turned into a beautiful day! Thanks to everyone who came out to help clean the streets.

I am a Cereal Harlot.

Do not judge me: something tells me you are too.

I covet a good bowl of cereal. Have never tried to hide it.

My spousal unit knows it. My friends know it. The American People know it.

Folks like us, we’ve forgotten more about cereal than most people will ever know.

Kind of proud of it.

What about you? Don’t you love cereal with cold, cold milk? Isn’t cereal the food version of the marvelous dog? Always there when you need it, always forgiving and welcoming, refreshing, low maintenance, a friend at all times?

Tougher question: If you can eat only one cereal the rest of your days, what is it?

If you answered Frosted Flakes, you are correct. But, different strokes for different folks. Next week we will examine the Top 10 Cereals of All-Time, According to Me. What does your Top 10 look like?

In the meantime, let’s more fully explore this simple yet complex culinary treat that should be a Food Group all its own.

Consider the fascination and charm of its history, from a guy “inventing” granola more than 100 years ago to Cap’n Crunch, which is a cottage industry unto itself.

I touched Cap’n Crunch once with a 10-foot pole and promised never to again. But against a cereal that is so self-important it doesn’t even spell out Captain, I am in the minority. There is Cap’n Crunch Berries, Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch, Cap’n Crunch Caramel Crunch, Cap’n Crunch All Berries … dude should have made General by now.

But my spousal unit as a youth enjoyed Cap’n Crunch. I was shocked at this revelation. Investigated further and discovered I am matrimonied to a person whose favorite cereals growing up were Golden Grahams and something I’ve never even seen in real life, and that is King Vitaman, spelled ‘man’ instead of ‘min,’ which in itself is messed up. Why would a little girl eat that? You think you know a person …King Vitaman breathed its last in 2019 so how good could it have been and how good could it have been for you?

Let’s take a roll call and see what memories these bring back:

What is so special about Special K?;

Post Alpha-Bits. Discontinued in 2021. And yes, I took a physical knee in honor of the cereal, and vowed to never eat a Post cereal again — until that night when I ate a bowl of Cheerios, one of history’s greatest cereals;

Sugar Smacks, Trix (are for kids), Grape Nuts and Post Toasties;

(Cukoo for) Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Crispies, and Count Chocula, which is the cereal company’s way of saying, “We want your child to weigh 260 by fifth grade”;

Total (which is total baloney if you’re a kid), Life, Quisp, Apple Jacks, Lucky Charms, Crispy Critters, Fruity Pebbles (the Flintstones franchise, which is totally bogus since everyone knows there was no cereal in the Stone Age, DUH!), Franken Berry, Sugar Bombs, Shredded Wheat, and on and on we could go.

Your Top 10. Be thinking … (Malt-O-Meal or Cream of Wheat equals an automatic disqualification.)

 Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu